Have you and your spouse ever had a disagreement about spending money? One of you wanted to purchase something and the other wanted to save money? We have. In our marriage one of us is naturally more of a saver and the other more inclined to spend.
According to Ramsey Solutions, 54% of couples in great marriages talk daily or weekly with their spouse about money. Only 29% did so in okay or crisis marriages. This stat blew us away – 94% of couples in great marriages discuss money dreams together, while only 45% talk about financial dreams in okay or crisis marriages.
So how do you talk (and live with) a spouse when one of you is a spender and one’s a saver? Here are some principles to help you navigate your opposite financial tendencies:
1. Make financial goals together.
This helps you stay unified and focused. We do this at the beginning of each calendar year. We have a goal to get to 80 countries by the time we are 80 years old (“80 by 80.”) Because we’ve talked about our goals, if we see a good deal or a sale on something we’ve discussed we can be more open to purchasing it. Our emotions aren’t part of the discussion because we have pre-determined we’re probably going to buy the item.
For example, several years ago we had discussed a potential trip to Ecuador at the beginning of the year. A few months passed and we found the trip on sale for $600/person. (That included airfare on Delta, all our hotels, meals, transportation, and tours.) We jumped at the opportunity and to this day, we know we scored a tremendous deal. Making our financial goals with travel helps us stay unified and focused!
2. Talk about all big purchases.
When we were first married, we didn’t have much money and so every purchase (even something for $10) was a big purchase. We had to talk about the pros and cons. The saver had to hear why the purchase was important to the spender. We learned to be honest and transparent with each other and work through whether it was a need or a want.
Today with Amazon and QVC addictions and dopamine hits from that package at the doorstep this is even more important than ever before. Make sure you can return items so that if your spouse or you decide you don’t like the purchase, it can be sent back. It’s better to build your marriage than have an extra “something” in the house.
3. Don’t steal from God.
Make sure you agree to tithe to God first before you spend any money. For more on the importance of tithing, read our article here.
4. Evaluate your needs vs. wants.
Let’s say you need a new car. As a saver and a spender, talk about what you’d like and why. What are your non-negotiables? Do you need the best car on the market or a good car? Or do you need a better car? Good, better, or best? Ask questions like how far will you be driving, why does your current vehicle have to be replaced, and what’s the main purpose of the car? How old is the car?
Are you purchasing a new car to “keep up with the Jones’” or because your current car is unreliable and costing you money each month to repair? As a couple, determine what quality is good enough and then stick to that.
The big question is: how much can you afford and can you pay cash? Debt is dangerous and if you are struggling in debt you’ll want to read this article. When a spender shows restraint and a saver is willing to spend, it can build trust in each other. You both feel understood.
5. Avoid spontaneous purchases.
Spenders can always find something new to purchase. Savers may be resistant. Talk about it as a couple and then agree to wait for a week. Research the item, think about it, save it to your Amazon wish list, and pray about whether or not it’s wise to go ahead with the purchase.
Look for ways to save. Ask yourselves questions like:
- Can I get this at a consignment shop or on FaceBook marketplace?
- Will this item go on sale in the near future?
- Are we buying this during the off season?
You can save money if you make purchases during the offseason. For example, buy patio furniture in September instead of May. We’ve started using Ramsey Solutions Every Dollar app for our budgeting and spending. It provides mutual accountability and keeps us posted on what we’ve spent and what we have left.
6. Hire a financial advisor.
Although this may cost you some money, the savings you reap is worth it. Here’s an excellent article on How to Choose a Financial Advisor from NerdWallet. When a spender and a saver are married, a financial advisor can provide the accountability – and peace – you need to build your marriage.