“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure….” Hebrews 13:4
1. Porn will improve your sex life.
Many couples mistakenly believe this. If they are struggling at all sexually they justify watching porn with their spouse for new techniques or to get aroused. Pornographic movies or shows are scripted. The actors and actresses don’t make mistakes. They don’t have struggles. This isn’t reality.
The reality is, porn is sin and it’s always wrong. Don’t succumb to it. Together with God you have creativity and understanding between you. Ask God to help you and your spouse grow together sexually and have deeper appreciation for each other, but avoid porn at all times.
2. Quickies don’t count.
Yes, they do! All of us love a steak dinner, but sometimes you just crave a fast-food burger. Both are delicious and satisfying at the right times. Both can be lingered over, or enjoyed quickly.
In a similar way, sometimes a quickie can be just as satisfying as a more extended time of physical intimacy. Often you only have several minutes and a few minutes are better than nothing at all, right?
3. Husbands and wives experience sex the same way.
Actually, husbands and wives are generally opposite in how they experience sex. Men tend to compartmentalize. They can be in an all-out conflict and still desire sex.
A woman, however, is more wholistic. If her home is a mess, or the kids are around, or if she and her husband are at odds, it is extremely difficult for her to concentrate and engage with her husband sexually. Generally speaking, sexual intimacy for a woman is a total experience of her heart, mind, soul, and body.
4. We shouldn’t talk about sex. It happens naturally.
Communicating about your sexual preferences and those of your spouse is actually a positive way to improve your sex life. We talk about our finances, jobs, kids, values, etc., so why don’t we discuss our sexual likes and dislikes?
We suggest having the conversation about sex away from the bedroom. Talk about it in the car or in a private setting where sex won’t happen. Be open and honest. Talk about what you like sexually. What time works best for you? What would you each enjoy? How could you improve your sexual experience? Listen to your spouse and focus on what you can do to improve your marriage sexually.
5. Sex gets worse as you age.
One of us always thought the ultimate sexual experience would be our honeymoon night and from then on sex would just go downhill. The thought was that in our 50’s and 60’s we wouldn’t even be sexually intimate anymore. Boy, were we wrong! (Whew!)
Although physical intimacy can have more challenges as you mature, your sex life can actually improve and deepen. The truth is, sex is more about intimacy than technique. The longer you’re married, the better your sex life should be. Why? Because you know each other better!
If you and your spouse are having trouble connecting sexually we’d suggest:
- Read books on sex. We recommend books by Dr. Kevin Leman, a Christian psychologist, or other Christian authors.
- Make an appointment with your doctor. Some sexual problems are hormonal or structural. Talk to your physician to see what they recommend.
- Visit a Christian counselor. It could be some of your sexual struggles are due to trauma, abuse, or the beliefs about sex you were raised with.
Our desire is that every couple establishes their sexual relationship on God’s principles, experiencing satisfying physical intimacy as you build your marriage.