“It’s THE BEST club you can ever belong to,” one of our friends told us when we announced we were going to be grandparents. Our friend was right. Now with four grandchildren of our own we couldn’t agree more. Grandparenting is full of blessings…and challenges.
How do you nurture this important relationship? What can you do to connect with your grandchildren? What are the keys to success?
1. Prioritize time together.
In any intimate relationship you have to spend time together. Grandparenting is no different. Years ago we had friends who confided in us that their parents (the grandparents) didn’t want much to do with their children. The grandparents stated they had raised their family and now in retirement, they didn’t want to babysit or “be bothered” with their grands. What a sad decision.
Babysit your grandchildren if you can. See it as a privilege and honor to invest in their lives. Your children are trusting you with the people they love the most! Make sure you attend your grandchildren’s programs, games, recitals, and activities. Show up and encourage your grands. Tell them how awesome they were in the school play or how proud you are of them. Events like Grandparent’s Day may seem insignificant especially when it’s for a three year old, but your presence tells your grandchild that they are important to you. What matters to them is important to you. Perhaps your grandchild is in junior high or high school. See if you can take them out for a meal (or ice cream) after practice. Pay attention to their time and don’t overstay your welcome. When they start getting restless, give them the freedom to leave and look forward to your next time together.
2. Create special opportunities to invest in your grandchildren.
We’ve known grandparents who, every summer, have a Cousin Camp. This is a planned time for the grandchildren to go to grandma and grandpa’s for a few days without their parents and experience a family camp. When mom and dad aren’t present, the grandchildren rely on their grandparents and bond more quickly with them. Some grandparents schedule daily events like field trips to the zoo or historical sights. Others line up opportunities to serve in the community. We’ve also heard of grandparents who taught their grandchildren a skill – wood carving, skiing, sewing, tennis, golf, cooking, or painting. You can take a class or attend a Bible study together. One set of grandparents we know took each of their grandchildren on a special trip when they graduated from high school. Imagine traveling with your grandparents as an 18 year old!
3. Respect their parents.
If your purpose is to undermine your children’s parenting skills or values, you won’t have many opportunities to spend time with your grands. Respect the principles your children have set in place even if you don’t agree with all of them. If something is particularly concerning to you, discuss it with your son or daughter, not the grandchild.
4. Have fun.
Show your grandchildren how much fun you are. Laugh with them. Do things that your grandkids enjoy. Remember this is about building a relationship with them, not focusing on your likes and dislikes. Ask them what they would enjoy and then do it. Listen to them when they talk and ask questions. Put your phone away and give them your full attention. I (Heidi) remember as a young girl, I went on a date with my grandpa most Saturday afternoons. We would go to the airport for ice cream sundaes and watch the airplanes take off and land. My grandpa never seemed bored. Instead, he acted like I was the only person in the world. I loved eating my chocolate sundae while spending time with my grandpa. We would laugh and talk. To this day I still remember his smile as he cared for me.
5. Pray for your grandchildren.
Ask your grandkids what their prayer requests are and then pray for them. If they’re open to it, pray together. Then check back with them after a few weeks to see if any of their requests have been answered. If they have, together thank God for answered prayer. Also, don’t forget to share age-appropriate spiritual struggles and insights from your own life. When we as grandparents do this, our grands gain understanding about what a relationship with Jesus entails. You are modeling your faith to your grandchildren by passing on a godly legacy even as you build your marriage.