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When You’re Bored In Your Marriage

Are you bored in your marriage? We hear this all too often in our work with couples. It actually can be a warning sign of vulnerability to other stimuli or people filling the void and threatening the sanctity of a marriage.

Simply breaking your routine and adding fresh experiences to your marriage can stimulate romance. You will experience each other in new ways. The two of you will add shared memories to your history that no one else could have with you. What follows are 10 steps to break out of boredom.

1. Pray

Ask God to help you see your spouse with “fresh eyes.” Ask him for a renewed zest for your marriage. Re-affirm to God your commitment to your spouse.

2. Admit and Agree

Take the risk and tell your mate that you are feeling bored in the marriage. Tell them you’d like to come up with some new ways to inject fresh experiences into your relationship. Whether it’s one or both of you who is bored, the TWO of you have an issue to address.

It could be that only one of you is bored. That’s alright. By admitting it you are taking steps to protect your marriage from outside influences pulling you away from your spouse.  Agree to “spice up your marriage” by figuring out what you can do to break out of the routine of your marriage.

3. Set aside regular time to talk

Boredom often occurs because the two of you have become disconnected. Marital therapist, Dr. Willard Harley, prescribes to his clients that they spend 15 hours a week of undivided attention! As he says, “This policy will help you avoid one of the most common mistakes—neglecting each other after marriage.”

4. Make a commitment to date each other

The two of you need time to get out and enjoy being together. We often say that regular date nights are far less expensive than counseling! You’ll find a list of ideas you might try here.

5. Find something you both enjoy doing

Authors Lee and Leslie Strobel have been friends of ours for a long time. They discovered that they love afternoon car rides. So years ago, they splurged and bought a used convertible red Mazda Miata for their jaunts around the countryside.  For them, this mutual love for road trips has given them shared experiences and plenty of time to talk and connect.

For you, it may be playing tennis or golf. You may enjoy hunting or fishing together. If your town has a major league sports team, go to a game and see if it’s something you two enjoy.

6. Explore your town together

Even small towns have a historical society or museum you can visit together. Perhaps there’s a corner cafe where you can get some pie and coffee. See if there are any tours available. We did an underground tour of Cincinnati—it was fascinating!

7. Break out of your routine

Try a new ethnic restaurant. Plan an overnight trip (together!).  Maybe you get a sitter, dress up and go to a nice hotel for dessert. Then, sit in the lobby and people watch (we’ve done this).  Rearrange some furniture in your home. Go for a hike or find a favorite game to play together.

8. Be sexually adventurous

You can figure this out :), but try a different location in the house or a new position. Maybe you simply slow down and take time to enjoy each other intimately.

9. Review your past

Pull out photo albums and remember your shared history. Pull up music from the era when you dated. Listen to your favorite songs. You might even start dancing together!

10. Do something productive together

A shared project is filled with new shared experiences. Take tennis lessons, sign up for a cooking class, tackle a home project, volunteer at church, or go on a missions trip.

It just takes some creativity, patience and agreement to break out of the rut of boredom. And as you do, you’ll be even more engaged and excited as you build your marriage!